Posts

I Can Do All Things

I can do all things, no not through Christ, but through my own enduring soul. There are days, weeks even months where it might feel like no I can't do all things, I can't even do one small thing, but still I persist. The greatest threat to success is my own doubt and lethargy; since doubt and lethargy exist only in my head, I have the power to disrupt them. I might stare at a pair of jeans that fit my ass perfectly last fall and now won't zip up and hear the little voice in my brain viciously attacking. I might open up an incomplete document at work and the critical thoughts might scatter across my forehead like commuters in traffic. For an outwardly chill and confident person, I might not seem like I deal with the burden of negative self-talk. Imagine being at the gym at the squat rack, trying to push back up after you put on way too much weight. It feels like your body is physically incapable, it feels panicky and mostly it feels like someone is watching and laughing at …

Davis Dayzzzz

Let's talk about life as it was 10 years back. What kind of Gagan was the world dealing with a decade ago? Tall, lanky, freshly faced with independence and adulthood. Its Fall time and a nervous energy starts taking over. What is college going to be like? Will I make friends? Is homesickness going to consume me? On day one of moving into the dorms, another tall lanky Punjabi girl comes up to me and out of nowhere knows exactly who I am, where I'm coming from and feels we have too much in common to not be friends - fast forward 10 years and she marries her college sweetheart, all of us day one dorm girls celebrating with her.

Living on an all girls floor of the dorms - rushing to class, skipping class to sleep, making lifelong friends - all of it is a blur of laughs, stress, and occasional drama. We get in food fights, covering the walls of our dorm in chocolate syrup and ketchup. We drive to Denny's at 3am, two people stuffed into the trunk, ordering cheese fries until ou…

Musings Break

Do you ever have so much energy and excitement for something that it 100% consumes you, only to see it slowly fizzle out? Picture a shaken up bottle of soda, or a tea kettle on a hot stove, or a firecracker bursting, loud and full of light before disappearing into the night.

That is basically me when it comes to most things I am passionate about, including reading and writing, even this very blog. I find so much joy in writing but the minute it starts feeling like a task on a to-do list, my excitement takes a turn towards anxiety and I never fully recover. If I tell myself, 'You have to post every Monday, because, like "Monday Musings" is so catchy..' then every Monday morning I wake up feeling like I have my work cut out for me. Don't get me wrong, almost all of my posts were written in one session, on a Monday morning, about whatever happened to be on my mind at the moment. Even if writing sometimes felt like a task, I was still satisfied enough with my mornin…

Warrior Spirit

I have a vague memory of a man on an airplane who left a lasting impression in the span of two hours. I was on my way to the European vacation of a lifetime that started off with a short flight to Denver before the cross-Atlantic leg. I usually prefer sitting next to family or friends that I am travelling with but on this particular flight I was sitting next to a stranger. The first thing I noticed about the stranger was that he immediately took out a small, worn out journal once we sat down. He began writing in the journal which was sitting on his lap horizontally; he was jotting things down in random order, not meant to follow a lined paper route. His pen was full of midnight colored ink that made every word jump off the page in 3D. Every so often he stopped and stared at the page as if pondering the meaning of his own words.

His writing hand was full of rings that were spectacularly one of a kind. Each ring had its own personality and immeasurable value I imagined. One held a gian…

Phoenix

She grows from her own ashes, constantly reborn as the ageless cycle of life and death. At her essence she is a survivor, bursting into flames and still rising up. She embodies resiliency. She fights the fire, not allowing it to consume her. She spreads her wings as she takes flight, glinting in molten gold. Each feather sizzles in embers. Just as the sun always rises, so will she ignite. No fear of combustion or the swirls of smoke. She emerges from the slow burn radiating warmth and light. She is as beautiful as she is dangerous.

Everyday is Mother's Day

Mom's hundreds of voicemails are saved on girl's phone because A) mom is practically the only one who calls and B) girl likes to listen to mom's voice whenever she needs some of mom's warmth. Mom is vibrant and fiery and works harder than girl ever could. Girl thinks mom overworks herself but mom is just mom, and working three jobs is just what mom does. Mom travels and if you get the honor of traveling with her, you see a version of her soul that is happiest and most carefree. That version of mom is the most authentic and bright. Girl also sees mom when she's tired and barely has the energy to trudge up the stairs after God knows how many hours on her feet. Girl wishes she could let mom rest, uninterrupted by the demands of life. Mom never complains, even though she has a hundred rightful reasons to. Girl is pretty damn sure she would be complaining if she were in mom's shoes, but still mom never does. Mom has inner strength that defies modern science. How can…

Note to Self

Note to my high school self (Inspired by watching '13 Reasons Why')
Dear Me,
High school is an interesting time. Everything is changing and friends feel more important than pretty much anything else. Life is a pendulum of school related stress and carefree sleepovers. Every year you have an increasing amount of freedom and fun with your clique. Every year there are moments of embarrassment and drama. 
My advice to you is this: Stop being petty and gossiping about others. You don't know what someone else is going through. Try to imagine why someone acts and reacts the way they do. Maybe they are living through hell and your rude AIM remarks will make their day even worse. Empathize with the person sitting by themselves, maybe for them getting up and making it to school feels like a ginormous task. Realize how lucky you are that that isn't you. 
You have no right to judge what someone else does. You might find yourself doing the same things one day. Always be the bigger…